Nancy's 47th Birthday Remembered

To commemorate Nancy's birthday on July 24th, Nancy's mom (Sally) and I went on a weekend trip to visit dear friends of Sally's from her medical school days. We took our sick little bulldog, Jojo, to Annie's and Stu's farm on the Palouse in Moscow, ID. It was a trip Nancy and I had talked about for years, but we never got around to taking it. Nancy would have LOVED it!

Stu and Annie were wonderful hosts. Stu informed us that they have a tradition of planting a tree in the memory of loved ones who have passed away. They had acquired an apricot tree to memorialize Nancy, and we planted it together on the morning of her birthday. Sally and I were deeply touched.

Sally and I were pleased that Jojo was well enough to make the trip. She has been battling advanced cancers (multiple myeloma and bladder cancer), and she began to deteriorate while Nancy was in the hospital. During the trip, Jojo had a wonderful time making new friends and spending a few days on the farm. On the drive there and back, we stopped in Vantage, WA on the shores of the Columbia River to have a picnic lunch. That is where Nancy and I picked her up from the breeder nearly 8 years ago. Full circle.

Since our return on Sunday, Jojo's condition deteriorated quickly. She was clearly telling us last evening that she was ready to join Nancy, so I took her to the vet. Jojo died peacefully as both the veterinarian and I cried.

Sally, Jojo, and I beside Nancy's apricot tree

Palouse Wheat - Nancy would have LOVED the beauty

Nancy's Tree

Nancy and I always considered our home to be our sanctuary and our favorite place in the entire world. When I suggested to her that I'd like to include her ashes in the planting of a new special tree in the front yard, she loved the idea. Our landscaper helped me select the perfect tree, a Bijou Japanese Maple. This tree's bark turns bright yellow during winter.

I placed the tree where I'll be able to see it from bed, from the patio, and from the living room. The landscaper added an up-light so I can take in its beauty and remember Nancy any time of day.

Nancy's Memorial Service - Links

The rest of Nancy's family and I were deeply touched by the turnout to her memorial service last week. I've linked a few items from the service for those of you who are interested:

• Memorial Service Bulletin
• For Nancy Video
• Solo Performance of "Gratitude"

Remembering Nancy

Nancy's obituary ran in Sunday's Seattle Times. You can find the remembrance with an online guest book via this link.

Additionally, the Seattle Mariners posted this touching entry on their blog.

Memorial Donations for Nancy

Nancy and I had discussed her desires for those who wanted to make a donation in her memory. The 4 organizations listed below all had special meaning to her. This document, Donation Info - In Memory of Nancy Haunty, provides instructions for making a donation in Nancy’s memory to each organization.

• The True Family Women’s Cancer Center / Swedish Cancer Institute / Swedish Medical Center Foundation - For the past 13 years, the Swedish Cancer Institute was more than an institution where Nancy received comprehensive and expert care. The staff and physicians were more like a medical family where she felt loved and in whom she felt a genuine trust.

• Team Survivor Northwest - Prior to her introduction to Team Survivor Northwest (TSNW), Nancy did not consider herself to be athletic, and she was intimidated by the thought of a fitness routine or athletic goal. TSNW initially supplied her with support, structure, and encouragement; and it ultimately helped her develop confidence and meaningful relationships with other women cancer survivors. We’ll always be inspired by Nancy’s determination to achieve her goals, whether they are running multiple 1/2 marathons or summiting Mount Adams.

• Harborview Mission of Caring Fund - Nancy personified kindness, grace, and charity. She felt a foundational connection with Harborview Medical Center’s core values and an incredible sense of pride in working for UW Medicine in support of that compassionate mission.

• Street Youth Ministries - Her compassion and desire to put her faith to action led Nancy to volunteer for SYM prior to her initial breast cancer diagnosis. In SYM, Nancy was struck by unconditional love shown to these kids while ministering to their immediate and long-term needs.

Thank you for considering a donation in Nancy’s memory to one of these or another charitable organization of your desire. And I’d like to thank Nancy’s friend, Pam Davies, for pulling this all together.

Nancy's Memorial Service

The memorial service celebrating Nancy's life will be held at 1:00pm on Thursday, June 2, 2016 at University Presbyterian Church in Seattle. The church is located at 4540 15th Ave NE, Seattle, WA 98105.

If you will be traveling from out of town to attend, please contact Luanne Skow (luanne.skow@yahoo.com) at your earliest convenience.

Nancy is Finally Resting

This is so difficult for me to write. Not just because each word is soaked in sadness. It’s hard because I realize that these words will result in a profound grief across a community of wonderful people who shared a deep admiration for a truly beautiful soul.

Nancy passed away last evening. Nancy was comfortable up to her final breath, and after that breath she left us with a smile that was indescribably beautiful. With it, she was giving me assurance that she had reached the peace that, as she had quoted a week before, transcends all understanding.

We will have an opportunity to celebrate, as a community, Nancy’s beautiful soul. In the coming days, we’ll be scheduling and organizing a celebration service. I will post details about the logistics here on the blog as they emerge. I’m anticipating it to be 10 - 14 days out.

If you are moved express your feelings in the form of flowers or some other gift of sentiment, Nancy preferred that you consider a donation in her memory to one of a few organizations that had great meaning to her. I’ll add a post to the blog with information about those organizations.

As one might imagine, I’m overwhelmed with a variety of feelings and emotions. But right now my predominant feeling is a deep sense of gratitude. I sincerely thank you all for your continual prayers, encouragement, thoughts, and love. You all made certain that Nancy knew how adored and admired she was.

Thank you.

Sleeping By Nancy's Side

This is my fourth attempt to write a blog update today. Nancy is comfortable and sleeping. She has crossed a threshold and moved into her final stages where she is unable to talk or move. I slept on a cot beside her last night, stroking her hand and reminding her how intensely loved she is. At one point, I told her I was picturing the faces of all those who share a profound love for her. My heart was warmed as I reflected on this. 

Dr. Rinn just came by the room to check on Nancy. The doctor-patient relationship they’ve shared for nearly 14 years is filled with an amazing love. After she finished her visit, she walked over to my side of the bed for a tear-filled embrace.

Now that I’ve written the post, I’m going to set up the cot as an extension of Nancy’s hospital bed; I’m going to crawl into our bed; and I’m going to cherish every moment of it.

Resting Comfortably

Nancy remains in the hospital, and she is comfortable. She’s been comfortable throughout her time here. Her doctors and the hospital staff have continuously made adjustments to maintain her comfort. Nancy is in the oncology unit, and the nurses almost exclusively care for cancer patients who are undergoing treatment. Nancy has less complex needs than the other patients here, but that does not diminish at all the level of attention and care they are providing. She is not awake very much, but I think her interactions with care staff has won them over. They see her sweetness and selflessness, and I see them care for her with great love.

With each day, Nancy rests more and more. We don’t have as many chances to talk, but she consistently hears how much she is cherished by me and by our friends and family. She knows it, but I like to remind her and she seems touched by it every time. We are expecting Nancy to stay in the hospital for the duration, and I know for certain that she is most comfortable with that plan. We’ve always considered our home to be our sanctuary and the place we love most in the world. But when we came back to the hospital last week, I noticed the sense of relief she had knowing that her oncologist, Dr. Rinn, was right around the corner and the care team was always present. That relief allowed her to be more comfortable, and it has allowed us to spend some precious time together. I’m spending the nights back at home, but I’ve been leaving her phone on the table beside her in case she needs to talk. I didn’t expect her to be able to call me, so it was an incredible surprise to get her call at ~4am Sunday morning. She was hoping I could come in to give her some reassurance from the confusion and dreams she was having. Of course I jumped at the opportunity. I think she is beyond the ability to call me now, but I plan on leaving her phone anyhow.

During one of her infrequent periods of attentiveness over the weekend, Nancy started talking about the love she felt from our community of friends and family. She talked about being lifted up and carried by that love. I truly believe that feeling remains with her during her dreams.

Inspiring Glitter

It’s Jake again with another update. Nancy spent her second night in the hospital last night, and it was a restful one. I’m afraid that I over-scheduled yesterday with 2 pastoral care visits with ministers from our church, University Presbyterian…actually one of them has moved on to a new church, but we have a history with him. Both visits were incredibly comforting to both Nancy and me. I was amazed at her lucidity while debating her favorite apostle, New Testament letter, and verse. You see, with the pain meds, she drifts in and out of her dreams and frequently brings the dreams with her when she wakes up. Seeing her so engaged and passionate while meeting with the pastors gave me an incredible sense of peace. In spite of the meds, Nancy remains aware of the situation. She acknowledged to the pastors some level of fear of what comes next, but she expressed a greater level comfort in her journey to come where a peace that transcends all understanding awaits her. Nancy also discussed how the deep and vast love she feels from the multitude of friends and family gives her a confident comfort. And this comfort serves as her companion on the path through the fear. She is concerned about the feelings of loss, loneliness, and deep sadness all of us will feel. Nancy’s selflessness, one of her core characteristics, easily cuts through her pain medications and hallucinations.

Because of Nancy’s exhaustion, her dear friend Wendy and I are taking shifts today sitting beside her while she sleeps. During Nancy’s 6-1/2 years of chemotherapy treatment, Wendy has re-arranged her busy schedule to make sure she can join Nancy for her appointments and her infusion treatments. Most staff in the clinic and treatment center think they’re sisters…and they practically are.

Everyone suggests to me that I sleep at home and that I make sure I’m rested and functioning, so I’m heeding the advice. The highlight of the past 2 days for me was the opportunity to get to the hospital early and eat breakfast with Nancy. She’s been awake and alert both days, and we have a chance to talk and spend time together. Yesterday, I decided to read to her the latest batch of cards. I read her one card from an online friend from the www.breastcancer.org patient support group. The friend, from California, talked about how much she has always appreciated Nancy’s willingness to honestly and constructively share with those women in earlier chapters of their cancer journeys her experiences with various treatments, drug side effects, payor questions (Nancy’s profession helped her!) in an incredibly supportive way. After reading the touching note, I handed it to her and told her, “Nancy, do you know that you inspire a LOT of people?” As she examined the beautiful and sparkly card, she responded with, “I inspire a lot of glitter.”

It was pretty adorable…and true! Nancy continues to inspire us in all aspects, and she has inspired an outpouring of glitter.

The Inspiration for Inspiring Glitter

In the Hospital Again

Jake here with another update. Since the last post, I’ve drafted 2 separate updates. I haven’t published them because Nancy’s status has changed. After returning home last Thursday, Nancy was initially comfortable. Her only complaint was the pressure or tightness in her abdomen, but the continuous IV pain medications seemed to manage that fairly well. Over the weekend she was pushing the button for additional medication fairly frequently, so a hospice nurse came out to increase the continuous dose. She continued needing more meds to feel comfortable through Tuesday morning, and we increased the continuous dose once again. Nancy had a pretty rough night last night…she was up every couple of hours and continued to be uncomfortable. The hospice nurse came by this morning to increase the dose yet again. Ultimately, Nancy’s doctor felt another stay in the hospital would be helpful getting her comfortable, and we fully agreed.

We’re here in the oncology unit of the hospital now (Nancy is in an inpatient hospice status). The pain medication makes Nancy extremely drowsy, and she’s been sleeping deeply most of the day. Nancy feels an additional sense of relief knowing that her nurses are constantly checking on her throughout the day and night…and especially knowing that her doctor will check in daily and is always a phone call away.

In the meantime, I’d like to re-iterate how appreciative we both are for the incredible support and love we feel. It takes many different forms: your cards and flowers, your kind words and hugs, your thoughts, and your prayers. Nancy’s doctor just visited us in the hospital room, and I joked with Nancy that the entire nursing unit couldn’t hold all the people who love and care deeply for her. Her doctor corrected me and told Nancy that the entire hospital couldn't fit the throngs of people who love her. Yet again, I think Nancy’s doctor is right.

Back from the Hospital

Jake here with another update.

Nancy had a good 3 days in the hospital, where her doctor and nurses were able to determine the right medications and dosages to ensure she remains comfortable. She was discharged from the hospital this afternoon and was VERY happy to be home. She is feeling soooooooo much better now than she did last weekend (or than at any point over the past month). The key change from before is the fact that Nancy now has a portable IV pump to continuously give her pain medications. A couple of anti-nausea medications will be given through her IV as well.

We’re with a different hospice provider now, and we’re awaiting our first visit from the nurse who does the intake process. She will train me how to administer the other 2 anti-nausea meds through her IV… Really she is continuing the training we started with her inpatient nurse right before she was discharged. We’ve spent so many years observing the process every week when she received chemotherapy that it is easy to pick up.

Nancy is feeling so much better that I’m expecting a very different daily routine. Her diet won’t be limited to a few spoonfuls of Jell-O or soup. She will probably be awake more. She’s going to be in a better mood since she’s not living in misery. I’m looking forward to tomorrow to see what the new normal is. Of course we’ll have to ease into it so she doesn’t overdo it. We’re both so grateful to Nancy’s oncologist for following up with us and then advocating for the change.

One positive constant throughout her hospice care has been the continuous stream of cards for Nancy. One of the highlights of the day during her hospital stay was mail call. She loves to hear from you, so feel free to keep sending her your notes of encouragement and love! We don’t have much space left on the dining room table, so I’m thinking about our spillover options. I’ve attached an updated picture of our card real estate situation. Oh, and you’ll notice another side table with a card placed on top. Since I received my first card (thanks, Kris!), I figured I needed my own card table!

Back in the Hospital

This is Jake with another update. Nancy continued feeling miserable through the weekend. Last evening, her oncologist and her oncology nurse came by the house to check in on Nancy. Nancy shared with them her level of discomfort, and her oncologist immediately came up with a plan. The doctor wanted to take more direct control of Nancy’s comfort care, so she had Nancy admitted to an oncology unit in her hospital. We arrived at the hospital early this afternoon and went immediately to the room. Nancy’s oncologist arrived shortly after we did (on her day off) to get her care initiated. Nancy felt some immediate relief with IV pain medication, and we both feel a deeper sense of relief knowing that her doctor has made it her #1 priority (or so it seems to us) to ensure Nancy’s comfort.

The plan is to get the medications and amounts adjusted to make sure her comfort can be maintained. And then we’ll go home with revised drugs and dosages. We’re anticipating that will be Thursday or Friday.

One of tricks Nancy has learned from her numerous hospital stays over the years is to bring a small picture or two from home to place on your bedside table. As we were packing for the hospital, Nancy noticed that the picture she usually brings was dated. She wanted a more recent picture that included our current bulldog (Jojo) and my current hair color (distinguished), so I scrambled this morning to find and print a picture.

Old and New Pictures & Orchid from Swedish Foundation

Nancy Continues Feeling Sick

Jake here. We’ve been back from the hospital for nearly a week now. While she hasn’t had a repeat of the particular discomfort that resulted in the inpatient stay, Nancy has been feeling pretty miserable. She’s experiencing nausea and stomach discomfort in what seems like a continual cycle, and her energy level continues to be quite low. I’ll continue working with the hospice care team to see if there’s anything else we can do to make her more comfortable. Our nursing visit this week resulted in a few additional ideas for meds and diet, so we’re implementing those now.

I tend to be upbeat and optimistic in my communications, so I find it difficult sharing a message that leaves little room for cheer. I’ve been procrastinating with a blog update in the hope that I’d have better news to share. Nancy has mentioned to me on occasion that I should be straightforward in my updates, so I’m fighting my nature to do just that.

Every morning, I look forward to walking Jojo and picking up the mail. As I trudge up the driveway, I enjoy flipping through the cards and noting the return addresses. While reviewing each, I spend a moment thinking about and being thankful for the sender. I’m struck by the number of different groups of friends and family from all over the place. Nancy has received cards from Germany and Australia…the love for Nancy is worldwide! Through these notes of love and encouragement, we’re both filled with a deep sense of gratitude for having such a rich set of relationships with a wonderful group of people. The outpouring of support from a broad set of friends and family reinforces to me the simple but profound truth I’ve learned from Nancy: Our relationships are everything. 

The support from our family has been incredible. Parents, brothers & sisters, aunts & uncles, nephews & nieces, and cousins. And the list of friends serves to me as proof of a life well lived. Nancy’s middle school/high school friends from Arkansas, our friends from working as consultants in Cincinnati (where Nancy and I met), Bible study friends, friends from each of our college experiences, a huge set of friends from our UW Medicine workplace, Nancy’s Team Survivor Northwest mountain climbing friends, friends from previous jobs, Nancy’s friends from the networking and support boards at www.breastcancer.org, and on and on and on. We are truly blessed.

We're going to need a bigger table!

Back Home Again

Jake with another update.

The care team at the inpatient hospice facility was able to improve Nancy’s comfort level, and she was discharged this afternoon. We have some revisions to her medication plan, and we now have a diet plan. Nancy seemed to enjoy the Jell-O provided at the hospital, so it looks like I’m going to be adding a Jell-O-making task to my list of regular duties. That one seems more fun than making juice popsicles, but not quite as much fun as crushing ice.

Nancy’s spirits are good. She’s glad we made the decision to get admitted and address her discomfort. The inpatient facility is located in Kirkland, a city that holds a special place in our hearts. Nancy bought a condo in downtown Kirkland in 1998, and I moved in with her (and Rose, our first bulldog) after we married in 2001. The 3 of us lived happily there until we bought our current house in 2004. We don’t make it back to the old neighborhood much, so I decided to take Jojo (bulldog #2) for a walking tour while we were waiting for Nancy to be discharged this morning. After giving Nancy a report of our adventures in downtown Kirkland, Nancy and I spent an hour reminiscing about the first few years of our marriage in Kirkland. We enjoyed that walk down memory lane immensely.

When Nancy regains her energy, I’ll see if she’d be willing to share a message on the blog. So check back!

Update for the Inpatient Hospice Facility

Jake here again with another update.

While Nancy’s general pain and nausea have been pretty well controlled, she has continued feeling significant discomfort in her mid-section. Some level of this is expected due to the  cancer in her liver. Nancy expressed to her hospice nurse yesterday during the home visit the level of discomfort she’s been feeling lately. The hospice team acted quickly to admit her to their inpatient facility late yesterday. The care team here is applying a more aggressive use of meds to get Nancy some relief. It will take a little time to get there, and we’re expecting her to spend at least another night here.

Nancy had a restful night, and she continues to sleep through the day…it seems a common side-effect of all the medications she’s on is drowsiness. And that’s fine, because she’s been most comfortable lately when she’s sleeping.

The hospice team and the team at Nancy’s cancer care clinic continue to interact occasionally. Nancy’s hospice nurse shared with us yesterday a recent exchange she had with a team member at the clinic. During a discussion about Nancy’s care, the clinic nurse expressed to our hospice nurse the importance of Nancy’s comfort to the entire team at the cancer care clinic. We were both touched by the level concern the cancer care team continues to have for Nancy. Our friend Wendy and I always joked with Nancy that she was like the mayor of the cancer care clinic. Now I joke with Nancy that our goal is for her to become the mayor of hospice!

Thanks for your continued thoughts, prayers, and cards. I brought yesterday’s mail with me this morning, and Nancy will enjoy the latest batch of cards when she wakes up. 

A Week into Hospice Care

Original Artwork Card from Uncle Jack

Friends and Family,
Jake here again with another post.

Nancy has transitioned into the care of the hospice team. We met with the intake nurse last Sunday, and we spent 2 hours going over the hospice services, reviewing instructions, transitioning Nancy’s medications, and ordering equipment. On Tuesday, we met for the first time with our assigned social worker and nurse together. We’re quite happy with them in particular, and we’re impressed with the overall service level of hospice. The nurse and the social worker will visit us on a routine basis (once per week or two weeks) to check in on us. In the interim, we can call the hospice triage line any time. 

My experience calling the triage line so far has been outstanding. During business hours, I’ve been talking to a nurse within 30 seconds. After hours, a nurse has been on the line within 3 minutes! The 3 or 4 calls I’ve made during the first week have all been related to breakthrough pain, and the instructions have been effective. Nancy needs to be in bed the vast majority of the time, much of which is spent sleeping. When she sits or stands too long, she experiences a great deal of pain. 

Nancy's spirits are good, and Operation Cards for Nancy certainly helps! She reads each card she receives and is touched by every one of them. At this point, she’s not able to respond to the thoughtful notes, but she wants each of you to know how thankful she is for your kind words of encouragement. Nancy feels an abundance of love from all of you! We think of you as the most important part of Nancy’s care team.

I’m deeply grateful to be able to take leave from work, and this enables me to care for Nancy full-time. My job mostly involves checking on her frequently, administering her medications, making sure she has whatever food/drink she needs, and, most importantly, just being there with her. With the help of the wheelchair that was delivered last week, we’ve been able to have a few brief outings. 

Thank you for your continued kind thoughts, prayers, and notes of encouragement. We’re incredibly blessed to have such an amazing group of family and friends.

P.S. My first draft of this post included a note about how good Nancy has gotten at loading/unloading the wheelchair from the car. Of course I was kidding, but it didn’t make the final edit.

Operation Cards for Nancy

Awesome Aunt Indeed!

From Niece Sadie

An Overdue Update on Nancy

Friends, it's Jake here.

It has been a while since we’ve posted an update to the blog. Since November, we’ve had a few incredible trips (Sun Valley and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico) and a few wonderful visits from family and out-of-town friends. Most importantly, we’ve continued to feel the love and support of all of you.

We’ve also cycled through a few additional treatments with limited effectiveness. The past month has been especially difficult. Nancy has battled through significant pain and nausea with the courage and determination we’ve all witnessed through the past 6 and 1/2 years. We’ve known the list of available treatments wasn’t a very long one, and I’m saddened to report that we’ve worked our way through the entire list. This week, we’ve crossed a new threshold and are no longer treating her cancer. Nancy will be transitioning into hospice care next week in our home. We will be meeting with the hospice care team this weekend, and we’ll learn more about all of the resources that will be available to ensure Nancy will be as comfortable as possible.

Needless to say, it is a difficult time for us. But Nancy maintains the loving, kind, gentle, selfless, and genuine spirit we all know. I know she would love to hear your words of love and encouragement, so please send her a card.

I’ll ensure we keep this blog updated so you can keep better tabs on our girl.

We love you all more than we can express, and we feel the deepest sense of gratitude for your friendship.

Our home address is:
18284 Springdale Ct NW
Shoreline, WA 98177

Thank you for all of your continued love and support.
Jake

San Miguel de Allende in Feb